Here follows the account of Hurlock Pseudonym Bonde, in…..THE GROUP OF EIGHT I was sitting in my lovely office, smoking a burgundy pipe from Melbourne, when I got a call from “N”. “Hurlock, I need you in Rotorua, A.S.A.P.! A plane is booked for 3:45 today, your tickets and boarding pass will be waiting for you underneath a stone in parking space 007. Coo will be waiting for you at Rotorua. Good luck.” Hanging up the phone, I glanced at my wristwatch. It was 2:55!!! I leaped out of my seat, doused my pipe, ran to the door, ran back to the desk, grabbed my wallet, ran back to the door, grabbed my hat, and hurriedly put on my coat as I ran to the nearest taxi stand. --------1 Hour later-------- “….BING BOOP BING…..FLIGHT 87465 GATE C FROM MELBOURNE TO AUCKLAND THEN ROTORUA, IS DEPARTING.” “Linger, please linger!!!” I pelted full speed for the dock way. (AIRPLANE PERSONNEL) “Look at this freak job” “I know, he looks like he came from the 1900’s”. “He talks like it too.” “Hi, I’m Hur Pseud Bon Lipton, I’m here! “ “Head on down, they’re waiting for you.” “Thank you officer, my salutations!” --------Rotorua Airport-------- “Alright, now, where is space 007…aah! There it is! What do we have here? A note, from N, telling me to go look near the King of greasy meat on bread with ketchup and assorted veggies from a test tube….hmmm. EGAD! She must mean Burger King!” So slipping the note in my pocket, I wandered the airport food plaza until I came upon a moderately sized Burger King. Ironically, sitting in front of Burger King, was THE Burger King, Coo, second cousin twice removed on his mother’s side to someone who is thought to have been James Bond’s “Q”. “Well Hello Hurlock! Didn’t expect to see you around here for another negative 10 minutes.” “Very funny. What’s the case?” “Well, the Treetops resort just received a group of 8.” “A group of EIGHT! Very suspicious. Were they, you know…” “Yes.” “NO!” “They are Americans suspected of taking an excessive vacation!” “But that violates the new law that will be created eventually, we have to do something!” “Unfortunately we do not have the money to sustain this sort of thing for long and do it well, soooo, you have one week!” “I don’t know…Moolah level? “50% raise for this jobby.” “WOOHOO! Deal! How much is that?” “You get $75.” “(Pulls out phone) Tippety-tippety-tap.” “Hold on Hurlock, I’m getting a text! (Sigh) Ah yes, so like you to send me a :(, emote Hurlock, so like you.” --------45 minutes later outside the gates of Treetops-------- “Alright, Coo gave me some jazzy new equipment, let’s give it a go.” I pulled my paperclip reinforced black duck tape grappling hook and threw it over the gate. Unfortunately the prongs were too weak. Puzzled, I paced outside the door way for 15 minutes or so. Suddenly, a car came down the drive heading outside, AWAY FROM THE LODGE! I don’t know why that was so important but it meant the gate would open, soon the car was joined by a second, and they both drove out towards Rotorua. I dashed through the gate and behind a mound of hay. Which then walked away. My haystack was indeed a dog, and from his collar I could tell he was named Sam, I played with him for quite a bit until I remembered my mission! “Right then. Off to the lodge.” --------30 minutes later outside the lodge-------- “Phew! I hate hills!” I walked inside and strode to the front desk with an unmistakable air of authority! These people knew who was boss. And their Boss was the Man who came out from another room to greet me. “Hi! My name is John! Nice to meet you!” “My salutations… (Sniff)” “Eeeh, an Aussi are you then?” “Indeed my quick catching on fellow.” “Well then, Welcome to Treetops!” “Yes, yes, yes, I am looking for a group of eight. Know’em?” “Yeah they just left for an all day excursion.” I thanked John and asked for a room, he gave me one at a fair price, but I was unhappy to be staying idle for a day. --------7 days later--------

“I followed the group to breakfasts and all their activities “N”, they did skeet shooting, Colin, Carter, Gina and Giles each got a hit on their first shot. Alarm bells went off in my head when I saw that, they did. Then Matthew, Katherine, Russell, and Karen got some too. Definite trouble in the making. Gina, Katherine, Colin, and Carter also tried the bow and arrow. The girls quit, but the boys nailed quite a few fox and bear dummies. They all took a trip to White Mountain. I’ve heard you have to wear gas masks and make the trip in a helicopter. Possible train'in going on. A few nights ago they went to ‘Te Pui’, there a group of native Maoris showed them and many other visitors, their culture, games, weapons, the Haka war dance, shared their cuisine, and showed attendees two major geysers, the last on New Zealand. I think they’re getting dangerously familiar with the Maori culture….”

“Go on.” “Then Russ, Gina, Carter, Colin and Katherine went to the set for Hobbiton in the Lord of the Rings movies. They saw ‘Bag End’, ‘Samwise Gamgi’s house’, ‘The Green Dragon and its lake and bridge’, and even ‘The Party Tree and Party Field’. Nothing wrong with that, in fact, I think it’s pretty cool. You see, they were very lucky, because ‘The Hobbit’ was already supposed to be filming, and so they just snuck in, and since it was almost filming time, everything was in tip top condition, the moss was on the fences, the apples and pears were on the trees, everything was in its prime. All the Kids had Horseback riding, Maori Designs, and weaving lessons. That’s training up their Special-Ops. skills that is. Colin and Carter went Mountain Biking, toughen'in up their stamina; there’s a lot of hills in these parts. Colin, Carter, and Katherine had cooking lessons and made delicious cookies called ‘Melting Moments’, and blueberry and white chocolate muffins. The Kids did a geocache and Carter and Matthew got hats, Colin and Katherine got water bottles, Carter would later give his hat to Colin. The Adults had a wine tasting session, and I tell ya, there were enough wine glasses on that table to pave the sides of White Island. Giles went on a fishing trip and caught 14 fish! He was dropped off in the middle of a river by a helicopter! Skilled man. They all ended their time together with a trip to a Redwood forest. Colin, Katherine, Matthew and Carter, were all fighting with sticks. Colin was an Elf, Matthew was a Zombie, Katherine was a Wizard/Cave troll, and Carter was an Uruk-Hai Captain. Carter defeated everyone but badly injured Colin’s left elbow. Gina attempted Reiki. She’s their medic she is. Later Carter would whack Colin’s other elbow with a pool stick. He didn’t like how Colin was blowing the ball towards the pocket, missed his target, hit the elbow. Anyway, after the Redwood forest they all went to dinner where they stumbled upon Marian. A chef from Treetops. Not wanting to disturb her night, they said hello but went and ate somewhere else. Could have been some sort of signal. The group of eight, played broken telephone, its where you say  the first thing that comes to your mind after hearing the phrase, the next person says what popped in to their mind and so-on. At the end you go backwards and announce to everyone what you had said. After dinner they went to a small inside/outside nocturnal zoo, and saw kiwis and other animals, including hundreds of colossal fish, notably the Rainbow and Regular trout. Kiwis were bigger than they expected, about the size of a beaver they were. Surprised me too it did. When they finally had to part, they did it with smiles and hugs.” “What is your opinion Hurlock?” “”N”, I think they were just a normal family, despite all of the shadiness, they seem quite normal. Dang it, it’s that blasted Gina’s hair that makes them so darn likeable.” “Very well. Return to Melbourne, a reward for 500 pearls has been offered for the return of a small clown fish. We need you back here A.S.A.P.” “On my way.” “Oh, and Murlock?” “Yes?” “Good job. Coo, our driver, and I are proud of you.” “Thank you, all of you.” I hung up the pay phone and got on a bus headed for the airport. As I looked out the window, I saw 4 of the group of eight drive up beside the bus, they all were smiling and chatting excitedly. As the light turned green, my own face gave way to a broad grin, and I felt all fuzzy inside. That’s when I saw a flash of orange on top of the 4/8’s luggage! “The fish!” I cried. It turns out, they’re even more mischevioues than I thought, this Group of Eight. Melbourne, would have to wait.